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Liza ran ahead of us as we walked to the playground. Mary, Liza's mom, told me her husband didn’t want to be married any more. There was no working things out. Divorce was coming. She continued “This isn’t the ride I signed up for. My ticket got punched and I don’t like it. My world’s rocked.”
Whether it’s your marriage, job or another loss, your ticket got punched. Life changed. That wasn’t part of your plan. Your world got rocked. What do you do?
There are 3 keys to coping in hard times. Finances, support and staying encouraged that this too shall pass are the major top the major top three.
First know how much money you have. What accounts it’s in and how liquid it is will bring you peace of mind. Plan further. Figure out how much it costs you to live and how long your current funds will last without having extra income. Denial has no room here.
Secondly research shows that support is vital to relieving stress. Leslie’s friends wanted to fix her as she talked about the pain in breaking up with her boyfriend. Finally she told them what she needed. She said “I don’t need to you tell me what to do. I know what to do. What I need is a hug.” Keep your family and friends close. Open up to them and let them know what you need.
And finally, no matter how bad it gets, stay optimistic. I know that sounds impossible. When all has gone to heck in a handbag, how is it possible? Dr. Bev Smallwood of the Hope Clinic suggests these 3 questions to ask yourself when you get down in the dumps.
Are you telling yourself this is temporary or is it permanent? Do you say I’ll never find another job? Or do you say this is only for now.
Are you talking in negative generalities? Life is lousy; things will never get better; and I’m stuck are generalities.
Are you beating yourself up with ‘what ifs’? What if I had paid attention? What if I had invested more and spent less? What if…you fill in the blank…? You’ll never know what if. It’s a waste of brain power and keeps you stuck in a bad place.
When I was left with a huge house and teenager to support by myself, a neighbor suggested I do these things. I didn’t feel like it and I sure didn’t want to. I forced myself to do them since she’d had experience on the same path. I did them anyway and credit my recovery from my world that had been turned upside down.
You always have choices. Start with these three tools. Smart choices give you power which gives you control over coping when your world gets rocked and feel like you have no control. Rick Warren in the Purpose Driven Life says that between now and this time tomorrow, you’ll give your life to something. Choose well. You’ll keep on being smart.
© Copyright Smokie Sizemore 2009. You may include this article in your E-zine or on your website or distribute it to others, provided you include the copyright statement and bio information tag line found at the end of this article. Smokie Sizemore, CPCC, speaker and founder of the Smart Woman’s Club, is an expert on the authentic woman. She coaches professional women to thrive in their careers and love their life. For more information, visit www.smartwomansclub.com.
The Easiest Facelift Ever
It was so quick. I showed up for my 2 pm appointment with excitement. At 3:15 I was on my way, my headshot captured on disc. Not a wrinkle, crease line, crow’s foot or blemish remained. No blood, scalpels or invasive procedures. The turkey neck was gone, too. It was the easiest cosmetic surgery on the planet.
If you saw Sophia Loren at the Oscars you know what I’m talking about. She didn’t look like herself. Neither did I – look like her or myself. The face was plastic looking – more like a mold with slits where eyes and breathing holes were stuck in.
The photo must’ve spent all day in PhotoShop.
“I didn’t have skin like this when I was 4 years old.” I told the photographer in a 911 call.
Back to PhotoShop I went. The image was projected on the biggest flat screen you ever saw. That’s scary. Actually the image could be an anti-terrorist deterent.
With a few quick clicks all wrinkles, sags and turkey skin appeared from nowhere. Circles drawn like surgeon marks dotted the face. With right click massages the blemishes and creases inside the circles smoothed right out. And so it went until the desired look was achieved.
Gone was the plastic looking tight skin. Found was my essence, sparkle, lines and creases, signatures of life experienced.
It was the easiest cosmetic surgery ever.
If you saw Sophia Loren at the Oscars you know what I’m talking about. She didn’t look like herself. Neither did I – look like her or myself. The face was plastic looking – more like a mold with slits where eyes and breathing holes were stuck in.
The photo must’ve spent all day in PhotoShop.
“I didn’t have skin like this when I was 4 years old.” I told the photographer in a 911 call.
Back to PhotoShop I went. The image was projected on the biggest flat screen you ever saw. That’s scary. Actually the image could be an anti-terrorist deterent.
With a few quick clicks all wrinkles, sags and turkey skin appeared from nowhere. Circles drawn like surgeon marks dotted the face. With right click massages the blemishes and creases inside the circles smoothed right out. And so it went until the desired look was achieved.
Gone was the plastic looking tight skin. Found was my essence, sparkle, lines and creases, signatures of life experienced.
It was the easiest cosmetic surgery ever.
Makeover and Vibrator
I plopped myself in the chair at Estee Lauder cosmetic counter. I was curious about spring colors. Never being interested in skin care or taking time to put more than lipstick on I consider this radical.
I do love getting made up. It makes me feel like a movie star. Now that my skin is heading south I' m interested in helping my appearance in every way, even if it means wearing make up.
So there I was on Tuesday afternoon. Janice, the so professional cosmetic woman, asked all the questions about things never passing through my mind. The answer was “What do you think would be best? Then let’s see what it looks like.” Janice carefully covered my face with soft warm colors. Then it was time to do the eyes. A little liner and some mascara.
While she searched for new products, I explored what she’d laid on the tray beside me. Lipstick, blush, moisturerizer, and mascara were beautifully packaged. The mascara brush was set aside. When I picked it up, it buzzed softly, then it shook. It felt good. It felt really good. It was a vibrator.
Who’d have thought Estee Lauder cosmetic counter is the place to get a vibrator.
I do love getting made up. It makes me feel like a movie star. Now that my skin is heading south I' m interested in helping my appearance in every way, even if it means wearing make up.
So there I was on Tuesday afternoon. Janice, the so professional cosmetic woman, asked all the questions about things never passing through my mind. The answer was “What do you think would be best? Then let’s see what it looks like.” Janice carefully covered my face with soft warm colors. Then it was time to do the eyes. A little liner and some mascara.
While she searched for new products, I explored what she’d laid on the tray beside me. Lipstick, blush, moisturerizer, and mascara were beautifully packaged. The mascara brush was set aside. When I picked it up, it buzzed softly, then it shook. It felt good. It felt really good. It was a vibrator.
Who’d have thought Estee Lauder cosmetic counter is the place to get a vibrator.
Caught in the loop
How many tmes have you been caught in the loop of the electronic phone menu? Has it sent you over the edge? You're going to write a letter about it to the hightest authority and let them know how stupid the dumb menu is. Saying you'll do it is one thing. Actually doing it is another.
An elderly woman took action when this letter showed up last week. Supposedly it's a real letter sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. She certainly makes her point for all of us.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh -and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
Amen!
An elderly woman took action when this letter showed up last week. Supposedly it's a real letter sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. She certainly makes her point for all of us.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh -and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
Amen!
Design your year
It’s a new year. Whoopidoo. Hopes for a new start are dashed by headlines. Or are they?
Ads scream New Year! New You! New President! They yell for changing more than calendar pages. Smart women flex with the times. They adjust here and shift there. Knowing where you’re headed and designing your platform give the foundation to be solid and grounded regardless of what happens.
Answering these questions will set you up for a new you in this new year.
Smart women make their own rules. 2009 is the year to make your new rules. Here’re some questions to think about as you make your rules.
What are your three main goals to accomplish this year? What’s important about them? How will your life change because you met them?
What one thing can you do that brings out the best you? Is it to join the gym and actually use it to firm up flabby arms and jelly belly?
What change can you make that will improve your life right now? Is it to clean out your closet, fix the broken drawer, clean the winter debris off the garden?
What change do you have to make? When does it need to be done? Probably the sooner the better.
Where can you lighten up?
What skill do you need to improve or develop?
How can you put more fun in 2009? Perhaps a regular date night, a monthly night out with the girls, going to a new place for dinner, wear a pin upside down and see who notices, wade in a fountain, join a book club.
How can you do more of what you love to do? My favorite is laughing. Try it: laugh a good ole hard belly laugh til your jaws and sides hurt because you laughed so hard.
What are you excited about?
What wacky, crazy thing do you want to do? This is the year to do it so get going.
Who can help you? While this life is do-it-yourself, it isn’t a do-it-alone job.
And finally if you had a theme for 2009, besides tie a knot on your rope and hold on, what would it be? Ask your teammates at work to pick one for the department and listen to an energizing conversation.
What do you want to be able to say at year end about your life this year? It’s a new year, new you and new times never experienced before. Design your year. Go for it.
Ads scream New Year! New You! New President! They yell for changing more than calendar pages. Smart women flex with the times. They adjust here and shift there. Knowing where you’re headed and designing your platform give the foundation to be solid and grounded regardless of what happens.
Answering these questions will set you up for a new you in this new year.
Smart women make their own rules. 2009 is the year to make your new rules. Here’re some questions to think about as you make your rules.
What are your three main goals to accomplish this year? What’s important about them? How will your life change because you met them?
What one thing can you do that brings out the best you? Is it to join the gym and actually use it to firm up flabby arms and jelly belly?
What change can you make that will improve your life right now? Is it to clean out your closet, fix the broken drawer, clean the winter debris off the garden?
What change do you have to make? When does it need to be done? Probably the sooner the better.
Where can you lighten up?
What skill do you need to improve or develop?
How can you put more fun in 2009? Perhaps a regular date night, a monthly night out with the girls, going to a new place for dinner, wear a pin upside down and see who notices, wade in a fountain, join a book club.
How can you do more of what you love to do? My favorite is laughing. Try it: laugh a good ole hard belly laugh til your jaws and sides hurt because you laughed so hard.
What are you excited about?
What wacky, crazy thing do you want to do? This is the year to do it so get going.
Who can help you? While this life is do-it-yourself, it isn’t a do-it-alone job.
And finally if you had a theme for 2009, besides tie a knot on your rope and hold on, what would it be? Ask your teammates at work to pick one for the department and listen to an energizing conversation.
What do you want to be able to say at year end about your life this year? It’s a new year, new you and new times never experienced before. Design your year. Go for it.
The best Sunday afternoon
It was cold, damp and windy. I needed to think and plan. Believe it or not, playing golf and walking are the best places for me to do this. Being a fair weather golfer only, walking was the choice. Two laps around the Vita Trail was enough time to do my mental work. Proud was I, and sleepy.
At home, my bed waited, calling 'take a nap'. So I did. I'm not one to struggle and resist good invitations. What a fabulous way to reward myself for a productive planning session in the wind. It was the best Sunday afternoon.
At home, my bed waited, calling 'take a nap'. So I did. I'm not one to struggle and resist good invitations. What a fabulous way to reward myself for a productive planning session in the wind. It was the best Sunday afternoon.
The Mistake of the Day
Today I made a mistake. So what’s the big deal? It meant that I couldn’t deliver what’s promised to members of the Smart Woman’s Club. That means I'm out of integrity.
A radio announcer get gigged by a listener on some wrong information he gave. The announcer said with greatly amplified sound “The mistake of the day.” In his regular voice he continued “Glad that’s over with. Now I won’t worry about messing up today. It’s out of the way.”
So today I messed up big time. I confess. I own it. I’m so glad that it’s out of my way. I apologize for not keeping my word.
Everyone makes mistakes. My 2009 theme calls for making bold moves which open me up for making more mistakes. Mistakes mean that I’m doing new things, growing and out of my comfort zone. Yikes.
Let’s raise a glass to being uncomfortable and doing new things, even the mistake of the day.
A radio announcer get gigged by a listener on some wrong information he gave. The announcer said with greatly amplified sound “The mistake of the day.” In his regular voice he continued “Glad that’s over with. Now I won’t worry about messing up today. It’s out of the way.”
So today I messed up big time. I confess. I own it. I’m so glad that it’s out of my way. I apologize for not keeping my word.
Everyone makes mistakes. My 2009 theme calls for making bold moves which open me up for making more mistakes. Mistakes mean that I’m doing new things, growing and out of my comfort zone. Yikes.
Let’s raise a glass to being uncomfortable and doing new things, even the mistake of the day.
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