Adventures in Asking

“Business isn’t very good now.” Eileen said. “I don’t seem to be able to close the sale. I can’t ask for the order.”

How come she can’t ask for business? Where does that come from? How many times have you wanted to ask and not?

Last week I was in the jewelry store getting some jewelry repaired. In a small bag were several pieces of jewelry to sell. In my mind this conversation was going on about should I, shouldn’t I ask the jeweler about buying these pieces. I decided I had nothing to loose by asking. I had taken time to gather those pieces since I’d thought about selling them for years. About the same time, the jeweler said “What do you have in the bag?”

In my mind I chuckled because of my reluctance to ask, about the energy used in that mental conversation with that voice only I could hear about to derail my plan. And I was mad with me for entertaining that mental conversation.

My hesitation was all about doing as I was taught at 3 years old - asking is impolite and rude. (Heaven forbid a southern women should be any of those.) I didn’t want to appear rude, needy or who knows what else that’s unlike a Southern woman, bless her heart. The need was to clean out old jewelry and bring joy to someone that would give it a new loving home.

Children ask for everything and anything they want with total abandon, without hesitation, without thought other than I want it. Loving parents, teaching girls to be “good” and save them from embarrassing themselves, drill them "Don’t ask for what you want when you want it."

Wanting to please, children stop asking. And it carries into adulthood.

This is especially true for women. After all, we want to be good girls, please our parents and be liked. We become ‘nice’ girls. We tell ourselves that people will figure out what we want by reading our minds if we hint enough. We wish and live with disappointment because all those crystal balls are too foggy to read. We settle.

At the Smart Women’s Retreat asking and lack of asking was discussed. The women decided they would practice asking. They went into town and asked for things. When they returned from town, they had all sorts of goodies: a cute water glass, napkins, fancy menu, jelly beans, souvenirs. Tales and howls were plentiful about what happened when they asked for silly things, big things and how friendly everyone was when they asked for help.

Lisa summed their experience up when she said “Never was asking so much fun and hard at the same time. We learned to egg each other on. We enjoyed the successes each time one of us asked. We got over ourselves.”

COACHES CHALLENGE: Ask for something 20 times a day for 5 days in a row. It’s not important that you want everything you ask for. It’s about strengthening your asking muscle like the Retreat women. Email me at smokie@smartwomansclub.com with your results. Smart women want to hear your experiences.

Do you dare to bare arms?

“Michelle has the right to bear arms.” Prez O said at the Press Dinner. This fund raiser is also a fun raiser with quips flying to and from those on the right and the left. In DC there is buzz about Michelle and her arms. Well sculpted and toned are accurate descriptors. She is a model to all of us about self care and its benefits. Personally I think she bench presses Barack and the girls each day. If you got it, flaunt it has been the feminine mantra since Eve was in the garden with Adam.

Have Michelle’s arms gotten you to the gym or in action about your arms in some way?

Thank you to a reader/friend that brought to my attention how I made over Susan Boyles. I changed her name. It was as easy as hitting a few keys on the keyboard naming her Sarah! My apologies to Susan.