Teacher appears. Then what?

      Save the date notices started in January.  Celebrate the half century since graduation at the elite girls private school.   I knew it was coming and wasn't looking forward to it.   I hadn't been to a reunion in 20 years. 
      My years there - K through 12 - were among the worst part of my life.  While a few events stand out in the early years at school, like way too frizzy hair from a home perm gone south, it was high school that seemed especially hard and uncomfortable.  I  simply didn't fit.
      My BFF since kindergarten left in 9th grade, leaving me very lonely.  I was an underachiever.  My dislike for reading came from being forced to read books during every summer vacation.   Thanks to Comics Illustrated I could turn in the required book reports when school started.  
      My parents were less affluent so my clothes were either knock-offs of the big brands or 'recycled' clothes Mother altered.  Mother worked there for my tuition as it was important to her that I continue the family tradition of attending the school.
      In a school with no room for average, I was an average student, failing 9th grade English.  That put me in English classes a grade behind me.  These and more instances fed low self worth and eroded all self esteem.   Any confidence I had was dashed at every turn by teachers and class mates who were popular, cute, fun, A and B students, and all those things I wasn't.  My college counselor sealed the message when she said "You'll never get into college. You're not college material." 
      Now I was faced with a reunion for the big 5 0.  Faithfully my BFF attended reunions over the years, staying at my house when I did and did not go with her.  For years she ragged on me to go with her. My reply was the same "I didn't like the school or classmates then and I'm not going back."   
      I had to face this self esteem issue and going was the only way to get rid of it and keep my power. Needing reinforcement, I called my BFF.  "I went to the last one and Frumpy was so ugly to me and hurt my feelings so I'm not going. You're on your own for this one." she said adamantly.
      Notices kept pouring in.  Dread grew.  Mentally I reviewed my accomplishments:  started three businesses, sold one, provided employment for 100 people, raised two beautiful smart daughters by myself, survived divorce, wrote a book, and stood on six continents... 
      "So what's the big deal, girl? Get out of your head and out of your way and get your butt over there. Your classmates have nothing on you. Compared to hard things you've done, this is nothing.  You've talked to some classmates over the years and they didn't like it either." I told myself.
      Two days before the reunion, a teacher appeared.  As I talked about the day and my reluctance, she said "An older person said to me once, 'When you go back to these things, you connect with someone on a different level.  Everyone's had experiences, dealt with life and you never know what's going to happen.' So you'll have fun and be surprised at how the girls are and what a good time you can have."  It was all too familiar since that's what I tell clients.
      Resolutely  I changed my attitude about the whole day. On the way to the reunion I affirmed  'I am having fun.  I am me. This is easy. This is sport.'
     Name tags had our first names in huge letters, readable without glasses. The years had been kind to most classmates.  Some I didn't recognize.  Making it a point to talk to everyone gave me the chance to connect and reinforce my worth and self eesteem.  The usual few blew me off.  The rest were chatty, full of life, stories and experiences.  We connected in interesting ways. 
      It was amazing.  I see a trip to Savannah with friends in the near future, classmate Janet being our tour guide. Mary, who lives in France,  asked me to touch base with her when Admiral and I are there next month.  
     When the student was ready, the teacher appeared.  Thank you, Teacher.   The dreaded Big 5 0 reunion was a piece of cake.