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How many tmes have you been caught in the loop of the electronic phone menu? Has it sent you over the edge? You're going to write a letter about it to the hightest authority and let them know how stupid the dumb menu is. Saying you'll do it is one thing. Actually doing it is another.
An elderly woman took action when this letter showed up last week. Supposedly it's a real letter sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. She certainly makes her point for all of us.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh -and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
Amen!
Design your year
It’s a new year. Whoopidoo. Hopes for a new start are dashed by headlines. Or are they?
Ads scream New Year! New You! New President! They yell for changing more than calendar pages. Smart women flex with the times. They adjust here and shift there. Knowing where you’re headed and designing your platform give the foundation to be solid and grounded regardless of what happens.
Answering these questions will set you up for a new you in this new year.
Smart women make their own rules. 2009 is the year to make your new rules. Here’re some questions to think about as you make your rules.
What are your three main goals to accomplish this year? What’s important about them? How will your life change because you met them?
What one thing can you do that brings out the best you? Is it to join the gym and actually use it to firm up flabby arms and jelly belly?
What change can you make that will improve your life right now? Is it to clean out your closet, fix the broken drawer, clean the winter debris off the garden?
What change do you have to make? When does it need to be done? Probably the sooner the better.
Where can you lighten up?
What skill do you need to improve or develop?
How can you put more fun in 2009? Perhaps a regular date night, a monthly night out with the girls, going to a new place for dinner, wear a pin upside down and see who notices, wade in a fountain, join a book club.
How can you do more of what you love to do? My favorite is laughing. Try it: laugh a good ole hard belly laugh til your jaws and sides hurt because you laughed so hard.
What are you excited about?
What wacky, crazy thing do you want to do? This is the year to do it so get going.
Who can help you? While this life is do-it-yourself, it isn’t a do-it-alone job.
And finally if you had a theme for 2009, besides tie a knot on your rope and hold on, what would it be? Ask your teammates at work to pick one for the department and listen to an energizing conversation.
What do you want to be able to say at year end about your life this year? It’s a new year, new you and new times never experienced before. Design your year. Go for it.
Ads scream New Year! New You! New President! They yell for changing more than calendar pages. Smart women flex with the times. They adjust here and shift there. Knowing where you’re headed and designing your platform give the foundation to be solid and grounded regardless of what happens.
Answering these questions will set you up for a new you in this new year.
Smart women make their own rules. 2009 is the year to make your new rules. Here’re some questions to think about as you make your rules.
What are your three main goals to accomplish this year? What’s important about them? How will your life change because you met them?
What one thing can you do that brings out the best you? Is it to join the gym and actually use it to firm up flabby arms and jelly belly?
What change can you make that will improve your life right now? Is it to clean out your closet, fix the broken drawer, clean the winter debris off the garden?
What change do you have to make? When does it need to be done? Probably the sooner the better.
Where can you lighten up?
What skill do you need to improve or develop?
How can you put more fun in 2009? Perhaps a regular date night, a monthly night out with the girls, going to a new place for dinner, wear a pin upside down and see who notices, wade in a fountain, join a book club.
How can you do more of what you love to do? My favorite is laughing. Try it: laugh a good ole hard belly laugh til your jaws and sides hurt because you laughed so hard.
What are you excited about?
What wacky, crazy thing do you want to do? This is the year to do it so get going.
Who can help you? While this life is do-it-yourself, it isn’t a do-it-alone job.
And finally if you had a theme for 2009, besides tie a knot on your rope and hold on, what would it be? Ask your teammates at work to pick one for the department and listen to an energizing conversation.
What do you want to be able to say at year end about your life this year? It’s a new year, new you and new times never experienced before. Design your year. Go for it.
The best Sunday afternoon
It was cold, damp and windy. I needed to think and plan. Believe it or not, playing golf and walking are the best places for me to do this. Being a fair weather golfer only, walking was the choice. Two laps around the Vita Trail was enough time to do my mental work. Proud was I, and sleepy.
At home, my bed waited, calling 'take a nap'. So I did. I'm not one to struggle and resist good invitations. What a fabulous way to reward myself for a productive planning session in the wind. It was the best Sunday afternoon.
At home, my bed waited, calling 'take a nap'. So I did. I'm not one to struggle and resist good invitations. What a fabulous way to reward myself for a productive planning session in the wind. It was the best Sunday afternoon.
The Mistake of the Day
Today I made a mistake. So what’s the big deal? It meant that I couldn’t deliver what’s promised to members of the Smart Woman’s Club. That means I'm out of integrity.
A radio announcer get gigged by a listener on some wrong information he gave. The announcer said with greatly amplified sound “The mistake of the day.” In his regular voice he continued “Glad that’s over with. Now I won’t worry about messing up today. It’s out of the way.”
So today I messed up big time. I confess. I own it. I’m so glad that it’s out of my way. I apologize for not keeping my word.
Everyone makes mistakes. My 2009 theme calls for making bold moves which open me up for making more mistakes. Mistakes mean that I’m doing new things, growing and out of my comfort zone. Yikes.
Let’s raise a glass to being uncomfortable and doing new things, even the mistake of the day.
A radio announcer get gigged by a listener on some wrong information he gave. The announcer said with greatly amplified sound “The mistake of the day.” In his regular voice he continued “Glad that’s over with. Now I won’t worry about messing up today. It’s out of the way.”
So today I messed up big time. I confess. I own it. I’m so glad that it’s out of my way. I apologize for not keeping my word.
Everyone makes mistakes. My 2009 theme calls for making bold moves which open me up for making more mistakes. Mistakes mean that I’m doing new things, growing and out of my comfort zone. Yikes.
Let’s raise a glass to being uncomfortable and doing new things, even the mistake of the day.
GOOD BYE 2008
Finally 2008 is closing. It's easy to dwell on what was wrong. Be zany and think about what was right. An annual exercise is to list 25 + successes during the year. At first it was hard and then it occured to me that those successes weren't only about giant things. They include the little things too.
New friends and finding a yummy new chicken dish to fix count. I asked Santa for a boyfriend. A miracle is on my list too - having my whole family together for Christmas at my home.
Leaving 2008 on a high note sets up a platform for success for 2009. Share some of your successes here. So long, good bye 2008.
New friends and finding a yummy new chicken dish to fix count. I asked Santa for a boyfriend. A miracle is on my list too - having my whole family together for Christmas at my home.
Leaving 2008 on a high note sets up a platform for success for 2009. Share some of your successes here. So long, good bye 2008.
Holiday Greetings
May the beauty of the season brighten up your life and decorate your days with love, smiles, and joy. May you receive the gift of hope in each day that is especially for you.
Tis the Season
Tis the season to be jolly. Ads with smiling faces, gifts, places to shop say it, too. White lights outline tall buildings downtown, making the business landscape magical in the dark.
Tis the season for change. Homes are transformed into magical places with tradiional precious decorations. Furniture's moved to make room for a tree, of all things.
With life changes come new customs, born from a need to survive holidays. Memories of past holidays came as I put out pictures of my girls with Santa.
Over the last 4 years my granddaughter, Anna, and I have visited the same Santa her mother saw. Where I live tradition has been honed to a high art form.
The first time my 2 daughters went with us. It was fun to hear these adult kids share their memories of going to see Santa so long ago. As they talked I learned that for them Christmas is the season to be sure there's time to visit Santa.
Tis the season to keep traditions, even if they're changed to a new place and stage in life by your own doing or someone else's. Tis the season for old and new to merge.
Tis the season for change. Homes are transformed into magical places with tradiional precious decorations. Furniture's moved to make room for a tree, of all things.
With life changes come new customs, born from a need to survive holidays. Memories of past holidays came as I put out pictures of my girls with Santa.
Over the last 4 years my granddaughter, Anna, and I have visited the same Santa her mother saw. Where I live tradition has been honed to a high art form.
The first time my 2 daughters went with us. It was fun to hear these adult kids share their memories of going to see Santa so long ago. As they talked I learned that for them Christmas is the season to be sure there's time to visit Santa.
Tis the season to keep traditions, even if they're changed to a new place and stage in life by your own doing or someone else's. Tis the season for old and new to merge.
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