Get Outta My Way: 8 Ways to Stop Self Sabotage

“Oh, yes.  I’m glad to help you. “ Leslie said. “What do you need and when?”   Sally replied, “Tomorrow.  I know your inbox is full and you’re under deadline. I do need your help.  Thanks. That really helps me out.”

“A full inbox and under deadline is an understatement”, Leslie thinks.  “Already I’m late with my own  project and here I am saying yes.  Why did I do that?  Why didn’t I say NO?  I want Sally to like me …”

How many times have you done this?   You just sabotaged yourself - again.  How can you change that?  With the same clarity and cunning that your Inner Critic – aka the Bitch - uses, you can overcome your saboteurs.   Here’re a few ways to begin.

·         Know you have to change. Habits can get you ahead and habits will keep you stuck.  You’re leaving your comfort zone behind.  Make a decision to change and be willing to be uncomfortable until you assimilate new beneficial behaviors.

·         Notice what you say and what you think when you say it.  Are you saying yes when you want to say no?  Are you letting people waste your time and make you late?  Are you being polite so you won’t hurt their feelings? Pay attention to what you say and what you’re thinking as you say it. 

·         Ask what you’re getting out of sabotaging yourself.    Do you get to stay in your comfort zone?  Get to be liked?  Look good?  What’s in it for you to keep doing these things?

·         Explore different options/ways of behaving.  Rather than letting inane conversation eat up your time to be liked or polite, what would happen if you honored yourself and your time?  Could you say “Let’s talk more about this later.” and claim your time?  Remember the airlines have an agreement with you that the plane leaves with or without you.

·         What’s the smart woman’s way?  Look at mentors and leaders in Women in Insurance and Financial Services.   What do they do that you’re not doing?  What can you learn from them?

Busting your saboteurs is a process.  As much as I want to give you a quick fix, I can’t.  It’s a process and takes time.    Following are more proven methods to use and begin building a solid foundation.

·         Team up with a like-minded trusted friend who wants to shake her sabotaging ways.   Set each other up for success by agreeing to check in daily at first to review your behaviors, support each other and hold each other accountable to change. 

·         Include fun rewards for successes and incremental changes, no matter how small.   You are making progress and deserve rewards.

·         Acknowledge yourself for your successes and failures.  If you didn’t make a change, it’s ok today. Tomorrow will bring another chance to do it again. 

In Smart Women Make Their Own Rules, I write “Blessed is the smart woman who changes what gets in her way.  She shall have an easier life.”